ABC News' 20/20 to Highlight Transgender Youth

In a piece that is being billed as "provocative" by ABC News, Barbara Walters will explore the lives of transgender youth in tonight's edition of 20/20. I have not seen an advanced copy of this report, so I cannot make claims regarding how it will be discussed. There are some videos on ABC's website that preview the report. In these situations, I always tend to worry about the "opposing viewpoints" that they sometimes spotlight. We shall see how Barbara performs tonight. 20/20 airs at 10 PM. Check your local listings for more information.

New GSA in Upstate NY

My hometown paper, the Albany Times Union, has a great story about a new gay-straight alliance (GSA) that was recently formed at an area Upstate NY high school. And it looks like it is starting with great success: "As many as 40 people have shown up for group discussions and sometimes just general socializing."

GSA's not only promote tolerance within their schools, but they also provide a sanctuary for students to be comfortable with themselves in an environment that may otherwise be hostile. As the story points out:

Other students have found a sense of solidarity in the club.

"I've had a couple of kids come out to me since I started the club," said Shoup. "It helps to have that security."

There was a GSA in my school when I went to high school. And while I did not regularly attend the meetings, it was always nice to know that there were allies in the school with me.

Column: Second Chance Adolescence

My first boy-on-boy kiss occurred when I was eighteen. I was on Hamilton Street in Albany, NY, standing with the other boy behind my mother’s tan colored minivan. It was winter and snow was just beginning to flurry from the night sky. Aside from the presence of the minivan, it was a romantically clichéd moment.

That first kiss set off a storm of fluffy ideas. I spent the next six months flooding my new boyfriend with cheap Hallmark sentiments and roses from the local grocery store. As an older teenager, I began living my life as a young adolescent who epitomized the notion of puppy love. I regularly doodled hearts in my school books with my boyfriend’s name etched inside of them.

While I had fantastic ideas of what love is and what needed to be done to cultivate a relationship, my approach to these two things lacked maturity. The few relationships I had when I first came out always dissolved soon after they began, and mainly because I was acting like a twelve year old girl.

As I flitted about town buying flowers and cards, I neglected my responsibility to develop a deep relationship that went beyond the superficial with any of the boys I dated. It was not until a guy dumped me in an email after a few dates, that I began to question how I was going about things. He essentially told me that he felt I was stalking him and he never actually considered us to be dating in the first place. Ouch!

It makes sense that my skills at building a relationship at the age of eighteen were at a preadolescent level. After all, I spent all of my preadolescence and most of my adolescence single or dating girls.

Like many gay men, I came into the gay experience with the knowledge that I like boys. Beyond that, I really had no idea what I was getting myself into. While the straight boys and girls got to “play house” and learn the basic ins and outs of relationships during their formative years, I spent those years trying to make my girlfriends believe I actually enjoyed the times they indecently exposed the naughty parts of their anatomy for me.

Most of the relationships I have had since I came out have been completely dysfunctional. I do not put all the blame on myself for these past fumbles, because I know that most of the boys I have been with have had about as much experience with relationships as I have had. We were basically coming to the table as strange man-child creatures. Our expectations were age-appropriate, but the experience we had between us to help us meet those expectations was sorely lacking.

In terms of relationships, adolescence for many gay men probably begins the day they come out of the closet. From that day forward there is a lot to learn.

With an understanding of this experience deficiency among newly minted gay men, some gay and lesbian community centers have begun holding workshops specifically to address the issue of healthy relationships.

I attended one of these workshops for multiple sessions over a period of weeks. I went to my first session as a college student with the intention of taking notes on and studying the workshop’s participants for a sociology class. However, the facilitator of the workshop insisted that I participate in the session.

It would have been easy to distract myself from the purpose of the workshop and mentally make fun of the other participants. Many of them had interesting quirks that made them easy targets for ridicule. But after choosing to turn off my snarky internal monologue for a bit, I realized that there was potential to learn something beneficial from my forced participation.

And I did learn quite a bit!

Mostly I learned from the experiences of the other gay men in the room. Many of them had been out of the closet for years, but most of their time since coming out had been spent single or in dreadful relationships. I learned from their stories what to avoid as I started my own experience as an adult adolescence. I also learned good, basic interpersonal communication skills from the facilitator.

I started to employ the insights I learned from the workshop immediately. I had an actual conversation with my boyfriend at the time about communication. And even though he was not really receptive to anything I was saying, I knew I was on to something. I did not find a silver bullet in the workshop, but I did find a path toward relationship maturity.

I realize that a lot of the tools I learned in the workshop were basic things I learned in high school health class, but I never thought as a gay student that anything I was taught about relationships in high school applied to me. I missed that period of adolescence because I consciously tuned it out, but I am happy that I got a second opportunity to learn what I missed the first time around.

I am currently planning to move into a new apartment with my dog and my boyfriend of about six months. And while my boyfriend and I are moving faster than a couple of lesbians rushing to get a pair of tickets for a Lilith Fair revival, at least we are heading somewhere that is somewhat functional. Now we just need to learn how to communicate about decorating.

Maryland Superintendent Endorses Montgomery County Plan

The State Superintendent of all of Maryland's schools has endorsed Montgomery County's newly developed sex-ed curriculum that is currently being piloted in a few schools. Oh, and the Superintendent also pointed out what has been a known fact for both sides: ..."parents could opt out if they found the curriculum objectionable."

Yet, the anti-gays will continue their fight to foist their misguided and bigoted ideas upon the rest of us... Unfortunately, we cannot opt out of their views.

Yes, Gay Youth Exist in School

In May 2005, a judge halted the implementation of a new sex-ed curriculum in liberal Montgomery County Maryland. The judge made his decision after a small group of conservative parents, led by the anti-gay (fraud of a) group PFOX, complained. What irked these parents about the new curriculum? It said that being gay is OK! (See the column I wrote in the Washington Blade about this issue back in 2005.)

Well yesterday, the anti-gay crowd lost and a newly rewritten (and gay friendly) curriculum was piloted in classrooms that included students that had parental permission to take part in the new lesson plan.

While the new curriculum deals directly with sexual orientation and gender identity, it still is dealing with some user error. According to the WaPo report:

About 30 students attended the first session yesterday. Teacher Katie Becker held to a rigid script because of legal concerns. She read, "Today, we will look at behaviors that can have an effect on relationships, including stereotyping based on human sexuality."

Students also studied a "word tree" that showed the effect of derogatory remarks such as "You walk like a girl." And they were asked in a homework assignment to "describe a school where there is empathy, tolerance and respect."

Luke Stocky, 14, found the class relatively dull.

"Our teacher, Mrs. Becker, she read straight from the manual," he said. "It was very strict. Like, you couldn't ask questions."

Unfortunately, the anti-gay crowd still knows that if kids learn that hating gays is not OK, they may lose ground in their larger ideological battle for the minds of our young and the future of their movement. So, they plan to press on with their call to scrap the curriculum.

In the mean time, we need to continue to support parents of good faith, such as those coordinating TeachTheFacts.org.

Ann Coulter Does Not Belong in Any Schoolyard

By now it has been widely reported that Ann Coulter recently remarked that Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards is a "faggot". Coulter's mention of Edwards with a derogatory slur was part of a speech she gave at the largest conservative political convention of the year.

Last night, Coulter went on Fox News Channel to claim the following:

"'Faggot isn't offensive to gays; it has nothing to do with gays," Coulter said on "Hannity and Colmes" Monday night. "It's a schoolyard taunt meaning 'wuss,' and unless you're telling me that John Edwards is gay, it was not applied to a gay person."

Anyone who has recently walked through the average junior high knows that Coulter's clarification of her comment is completely off the mark. And she should know better!

The term "faggot" is highly offensive to gay people and it has everything to do with gay people. It is meant to be a slur that is specifically intended for gay people. Here is the definition from the American Heritage Dictionary:

n. Offensive Slang
Used as a disparaging term for a homosexual man.

The problem is that it is a schoolyard taunt and will continue to hurt our youth as long as high-profile people like Coulter make it seem acceptable. The term "faggot" is just as inflammatory to gay people as the N-word is to black people. Coulter is dishonest to state otherwise, and if she is as intelligent as she claims to be she should know better.

Yes, Coulter is right that "faggot" means wuss. But it also means so much more. It is a hurtful word that often hits its targets (gay Americans) right where it is intended to; squarely in the gut and deep in the heart.

Coulter should apologize immediately and help make sure this word is not a schoolyard taunt any longer.

Did Media Speculation Keep Girls Away?

It is unknowable why Rachel Crites and Rachel Smith killed themselves by following through on a suicide pact, but there is a new theory in today's Metro Weekly about why they may have stayed away from home after pleas for their return:

''Assumptions are problematic,'' says Lindy Garnette, executive director of Parents Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) of Metropolitan Washington. Garnette says she is frustrated by all the speculations surrounding the case. She says that if the teenagers had been gay, and if that had anything to do with their two-week disappearance, they might have been more reluctant to come home because of all the speculation in the media.

USA Today Explores Gay Teens

An excellent article from USA Today explores the lives of gay youth, the research that has been collected on them, the way society feels about them and the groups out to hurt them. As with any USA Today article, this one only really scratches the surface of such an important issue, but it is a good starting point for anyone interested in learning more about our gay youth.

The article points out that as more and more gay youth come out at a younger age, our society's attitudes towards gays and lesbians is also progressing: "In 2006, 54% found homosexuality acceptable, compared with 38% in 1992, Gallup polls show."

In fact, the number of affirming gay/straight alliances in America's schools is growing as well: "In the mid-1990s, a few dozen Gay-Straight Alliance clubs were in U.S. high schools; now 3,200 are registered..."

Unfortunately there are still organizations, such as the anti-gay Family Research Council, that are working to make it more difficult for our gay youth to continue to find support in their communities:

"Homosexuality is harmful to society, and young people have no business committing to a sexual identity until they're adults," says Peter Sprigg of the Family Research Council, a conservative policy group. The council backs a new Georgia law, first in the nation, that requires schools to tell parents about clubs and allows them to forbid their children to participate in gay/straight alliances.

As a community we must ensure these groups do not succeed and our youth continue to find affirming environments throughout their communities. Let's not go backwards.

Dallas Youth Find Family

A recent article in the Dallas Voice tells the stories of gay youth in the Dallas region who have found hope and love in a local support group. The group is sponsored by Youth First Texas, and it provides young people 23 years old and under a safe place to express themselves. Explains one participant:

“They are very – I don’t know how to explain it,” said Cristobal Lopez, 18, who has attended Youth First, for about eight months. “They’re like family to me, I guess, because I connect better with the adults here than anyone in my house at all.”

If only we had self-affirming places like this for our gay youth all across the country...

Two Teenage Girls Commit Suicide

Two teenage girls were found dead in a car this past weekend between the Virgina and West Virgina borders. According to preliminary autopsy results, the deaths occurred as a result of carbon monoxide poisoning.

16 year-old Rachel Smith and 18-year-old Rachel Crites, both of Montgomery County Maryland, ran away from their homes in January. The night they ran away, they told their parents they would be going to dinner and a movie. When they did not return home, their parents contacted the authorities and a regional search ensued. The girls were not found until Friday, when their bodies were located in Loudon County, Virginia.

According to an entry in Crite's diary, it appears the girls were dating each other. Crite's diary read:

"Wherever I end up laying, whether buried or cremated, I want to stay with my true love, buried next to her. This is my choice. I'm sorry."

It is unclear why the girls ran away from home or why they chose to kill themselves. The parents have been pointing to signs of depression.

Unfortunately, numerous studies have shown that gay youth are disproportionately more likely to commit suicide than their peers. This is partially due to the social stigma and pressures associated with coming out and living as a gay youth.

These were two invisible youth we could not reach in time.